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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun school appropriate jokes and other funny jokes |
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Religion Joke
There are three truths in life:1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. . . . 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. . . . . 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
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Love and Marriage Joke
All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions. It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing. May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears. Sign in a marriage counselor's window: 'Out to lunch - Think it over. 'The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. -- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia
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Fun Joke
How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a match is detected. Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A byplacing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that thealgorithm will terminate. Sent by Alex
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Best Joke Online
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: 'Did you actually see the accident?' The witness: 'Yes, sir. ' The lawyer: 'How far away were you when the accident happened?' The witness: 'Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches. ' The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): 'Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?' The witness: 'Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question. '
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Dumb Men Joke
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: 'don't' and 'stop'.
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Ethnical Joke
An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, 'Hi there. . . what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?' The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water. A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. 'What are you doing?' asked the rancher again. As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread. Finally the Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, 'Hey, why are you dragging that car door?' 'Well, ' he said, 'I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?A: Oil of Ole'
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Totally Strange Humor
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?Nurse: No change yet.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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