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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them. The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. 'So you buried all the politicians?' asked the police officer. 'Were they all dead?'The farmer answered, 'Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie. '
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Top 100 Joke
Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, 'What is three times three?' ''297
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Funny College Joke
You Know You're Getting Older When. . . Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M. D. You get winded playing chess. Your children begin to look middle aged. You're still chasing women but can't remember why. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. You look forward to a dull evening. You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals. Your favorite part of the newspaper is '25 Years Ago Today. . . 'You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation. After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat. Dialing long distance wears you out. You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer. You just can't stand people who are intolerant. You burn the midnight oil until 9 PM. Your back goes out more often than you do. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
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E-mail Joke
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc.
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Farming Joke
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*. . . he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, 'Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off. . . . ' 'Not so fast', says she. 'How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?' The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said 'He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. 'Oh no, you *horrible* man', she replied. 'I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?' At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed'Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!'
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Hair and bald Joke
What do you call a pen with no hair ? A bald point !
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Celebrities Joke
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiouslyawaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. 'Kid's. . . . . . there's good news and bad news. ' 'The bad news is your mother's strength and will tolive has been sucked away by her awful disease and shedied a few moments ago' 'The good news is. . . . It's steak and chips for dinner!'
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Aardvark Joke
A man wanted a new aardvark so he looked through the classified ads. He phoned a number he found and an elderly lady answered. 'How much are your aardvarks?' he asked. 'They're L6 each, ' came the reply. 'Did you raise them yourself?' inquired the man. 'Oh yes, ' she said, 'Yesterday they were only L5 each. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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