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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun recipes and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Balanchine ! Balachine who ? Balachine act !
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
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Mad Joke
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out 'GREEN SIDE UP! 'In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!' The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'The lady then asked him, 'Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?''I'm sorry, ' came the reply. 'But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. '
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Weird Women Joke
What do you get if you put your hand down an pyschic's pants? Your palm red once a month.
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Humorous Joke
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. . . 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Every morning is the dawn of a new error. . . A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. I can see clearly now, the brain is gone. . . The beatings will continue until morale improves. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'. . . till you can find a rock. Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Help Wanted: Telepathy. You know where to apply. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. Budget: A method for going broke methodically. Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Dain bramaged. Department of Redundancy DepartmentWhat has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. Cannot find REALITY. SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE. EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWLC:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN<-------- The information went data way -------->Best file compression around: 'DEL *. *' = 100% compressionThe Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. BREAKFAST. COM Halted. . . Cereal Port Not RespondingThe name is Baud. . . . . . , James Baud. Access denied--nah nah na na
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Weird Women Joke
What's long and hard and excites a girl whenshe's finally lucky enough to get on it?The road to success!
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Comedy Joke
'I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love, ' the husband told the counselor. 'Has she started to neglect you?' 'Not at all, ' the dejected man replied. 'She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets me choose the television shows we watch. ''So what's the problem?''Maybe I'm just being too sensitive, ' the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! Die, you son of a bitch!''
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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