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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun raising ideas and other funny jokes |
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Dance Joke
Q. What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist? A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
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Totally Weird Joke
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: 'When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones. 'Wife: 'No, I can't marry anyone after you. ' Johnson: 'But I want you to. ' Wife: 'But why?' Johnson: 'Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!'
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Strange Humor
Changing of the English LanguageHaving chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the EuropeanParliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improvingefficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling isunnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through andthorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes toiron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, beadministered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities wouldresieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear upkonfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould bemade with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould beannounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expektedto reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which havealways been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag isdisgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ asthough nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins theskem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th'by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v
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Fishing Joke
A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. 'Let's see yer fishin license, boy!' the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. 'Well, son, ' said the Game Warden. 'You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!' 'Yes sir, ' replied the young feller. 'But my friend back there, well, he don't have one. . . '
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Joke for Dummies
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place. . . . The man says 'What's the problem officer?'Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look. ]Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. [Man gives his wife a dirty look. ]Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing yourseat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells: 'Shut your damn mouth!'Officer turns to the woman and asks, 'Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?Wife says: 'No, only when he's drunk!'
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Christmas Joke - 1
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !
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Dinosaur Joke
What did you call a dinosaur that keeps you awake at night ? Bronto-snore-us !
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Various animal Joke
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They're both brown, except the snowball.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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