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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun quiz for kids and other funny jokes |
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Sad Joke
You're a redneck if. . . -You have more fingers than you do teeth-You cut your grass and find a car-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors-Your age is higher than your I. Q. -Your favorite pickup line is 'Does this look infected to you?'-You ask your wife wheather the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies 'Its a gummy bear. '-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say 'Watch this' everytime before you goto the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
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Old Age Joke
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure. '
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Movie and TV Joke
One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: 'Elvis just died!' The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. 'Good career move. '
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Joke for Speeches
Some lessons learned in life:Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life. No matter what happens. . . somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. Never lick a steak knife. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 'The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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Irish Joke
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means 'maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?' The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. 'No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency. ', replied Brennan.
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Bed Joke
I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: 'Good grief, where are your feet?' I must have left them in bed !
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Joke Online
A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed. The husband says, 'I thought we'd have sex tonight. 'The wife replies, 'No, I'm too tired tonight. 'The husband says, 'Is that your final answer?'The wife says, 'Yes, it is, thank you. 'The husband says, 'OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend. '
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Military Joke
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, 'That's not it' and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, 'That's it. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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