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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun pub quiz and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 1
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
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Kids Joke
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:'Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare. 'Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:'Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit. . . Horseshit. . . Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!'
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Horse Joke
You know you're a horse person when. . . . . . .
You cluck to your car when you go up a hill.
Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own.
You refer to your car as 'my portable tack room. '
You are excited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are disappointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop.
You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on your speed dial.
Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.
Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.
Your nice clothes are the ones without horsehair all over them.
You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.
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Mad Joke
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The Brunette asks, 'What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!'One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says. . . 'Yeah, but you've got a driver!'
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Cannibal Joke
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
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Dance Joke
Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam? Because the top said, 'Twist to open. '
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Joke for Kids
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!
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Divorce Joke
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, 'Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce. ' 'Because, ' the man says, 'I live in a two-story house. ' The Judge replies, 'What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?' The man answers, 'Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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