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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun presents and other funny jokes |
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Spelling Joke
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word 'new' on the blackboard. 'Now, ' she asked Johnny, 'what word would we have if we placed a 'K' in the front?' After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, 'Canoe?'
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School Joke for Kids
A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in site, and the workmen were eating lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say:'Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank. '
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Religious Joke
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept. The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept. The rabbi said, 'I've got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what god wants, god takes. '
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Dumb Joke
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, 'Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night. 'The son then asks his father, 'Well what's the 6 pack for?' The father replies, 'Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning. Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, 'Well, that's for when you're married. . . You have one for January, one for February, one for March. . . '
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School Joke
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said, 'I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades. . . somebody is going to get a spanking!'
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Humorous Joke
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool? Show me your mussels.
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Funny Kids Joke
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?A mouse organ!
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Animal Joke
While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs. A passerby commented to the blind man, 'What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?'To which the blind man replied, 'Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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