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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun posters and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ? Pupil: I want to know how it ends !
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Gorilla Joke
What's hairy and flies through the air? Jonathan Livingstone Gorilla!
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Celebrities Joke
What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?They both live off dead Beatles.
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Naughty Joke
Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, 'That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?' 'It's a condom, ' The first lady replies. 'Well, where can you buy those?' the second lady asks. 'Um. . . Most people buy them at pharmacies. ' the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. 'Do you guys sell those condom things?' she asks the pharmacist. 'Why yes we do, ' the pharmacist says a little confused, 'Do you know what size you need?'So the lady says, 'Well it's got to fit a Camel. '
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney. Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?Witness: Yes. Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?Witness: Yes. Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand?Witness: Yes. Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!!Witness: Yes. Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the plaintiff and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?Witness: Yes, correct. Attorney: Well then, did you SEE the defendant bite off the plaintiff's ear?Witness: No. Attorney: (Smugly) THEN HOW DO YOU 'KNOW' THAT THE DEFENDANT BIT OFF THE EAR OF THE PLAINTIFF IF YOU DID NOT SEE HIM DO IT??!!Witness: I saw him spit it out. (Dead Silence)Attorney: No more questions.
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Witch Joke
Witch l: 'How do you manage to stay in shape?' Witch 2: 'I get a lot of hexercise. '
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc. ) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice ' I'd like to try the bet' After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!! As the crowd cheered, the bartend er paid the $'1000
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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