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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun places to go and other funny jokes |
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Elephant Joke
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ? Because of all the cheetahs !
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Gangsta Barbie . . . complete set of Raiders apparel; rap cassette included
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Family Comedy Joke
A couple's having dinner in a restaurant when their waitress, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice. The waitress comes over and says, 'Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table. 'The woman says, 'No he didn't, he just walked in the door. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!
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Mom Joke
When Simon had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Simon was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Simon to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: 'Mommy, can you please put Shreya back in your tummy now?'
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
What did the beanstalk say to Jack?
Stop picking on me!
What do you call a contented giant?
One that's fed up with Englishmen!
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Computing Joke
'Can you help me? asked Alice. 'No, ' said Negative. 'I'm looking for a white consultant. ' Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. 'Did he go this way?' she asked. 'No, ' said Negative. She pointed the other way. 'Yes, ' said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read 'UNIX Conference. ' Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. 'Wrong flavor, ' they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her as if it wanted to be loved. 'Grep, ' it exclaimed. 'Don't mind him, ' explained the Mad Hacker. 'He's just looking for some string. ' 'Nroff?' asked the Frog. The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and a spoon. 'Here, ' he said, 'what do you think of this?' 'It looks lovely, ' said Alice, 'very sweet. ' She tried a spoonful. 'Yuck!' she cried. 'It's awful. What is it?' 'Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX, ' answered the Hacker. Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse. 'Who's he?' she asked. 'That's OS Too, ' explained the Hacker. 'We've pretty much given up on waking him. 'Just than, a large, Blue Elephant sitting next to the Dormouse stood up. 'Ladies and gentlemen, ' he trumpeted pompously, 'as the largest creature here, I feel impelled to state that we must take an Open Look at. . . ' A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up angrily. The Elephant noticed and changed his speech accordingly. '. . . what our NextStep will be. 'Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other half snickered quietly to themselves. Just then, OS Too fell over in his sleep, crashing into the Elephant and taking him down with him. No one seemed a bit surprised. 'What we need, ' declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with his long tongue, ' is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh. 'Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his face got red. 'No, no, no! he screamed. 'No one pays one fifty an hour to Macintosh consultants!' 'Awk, ' said the Frog. 'Users, ' explained the Sun Bear, 'want an easy interface that they will not have to learn. ' 'Users?' cried the Consultant in disbelief. 'Users?! You mean secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!' 'Well, ' responded the Sun Bear, 'we've got to do something to make them want to switch to UNIX. ' 'Do you think, ' said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a hole in the table, 'that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?' I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man. ' 'Maybe we should try another name, ' suggested the Job Sparrow, 'like Brut, or Rambo. ' 'Penix, ' suggested a Penguin. 'Mount, ' said the Frog, 'spawn. ' Alice slapped him. 'Nice?' he asked. 'But then again, ' suggested the Woodpecker, 'what about the shrinkwrap issue?' Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving their hands in the air and screaming. Just as suddenly, they all sat down again. 'Now that that's settled, ' said the Woodpecker, 'let's go back to tasting flavors. ' Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. 'Wrong flavor, ' they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on their right and took the one being offered on their left. Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been walking away, she heard a familiar voice behind her. 'Rem, ' is said, 'edlin. ' Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. 'Those are queer sounding words, ' she said, 'but at least I know what they mean. ' 'Chkdsk, ' said the Frog. 'Alice in UNIX land' was created by Lincoln Spector TEXAS COMPUTER CURRENTS SEPTEMBER 1989
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Dog Joke - 2
Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ?
Because frost bites !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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