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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun places in london and other funny jokes |
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Fishing Joke
One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by. Joe then said 'Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!' Bob then replies ' It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years. '
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Easy to Remember Joke
As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm. A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this. As he hands him over the . 12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo. . . Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?'Well. . . ' explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat, Shoot the dog. . .
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Marriage Joke
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea. ' The man lowered his head and said, 'Wedding cake. '
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School Joke for Kids
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house. It kept floating out, then back, out and back. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, 'Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house and then back again?' Mrs. Boudreaux said, 'Oh yes, that's my husband. I told him he was going to cut the grass today, come Hell or High Water!!'
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Funny Famous Joke
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:'Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?'Father Patrick replied, 'I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal. 'Muldoon said, 'I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?'Father Patrick: '$500? - Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!'
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.
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Elephant Joke
Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ? To stop getting wet !
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Dumb Blonde Joke
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?Three. . . one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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