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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun party supplies and other funny jokes |
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Humor Joke
Six Bad Days1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $'80
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Dirty Joke
Question: What's another name for pickled bread? Answer: Dill-dough.
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Hunting Joke
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, 'Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?' 'I sure did, ' responded the pessimist. 'He can't swim. '
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College Humor
Do you know why David killed Goliath and then decapitated him? He wanted to get a-head!
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Practical Joke
TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean)10. I think of you as a brother. . (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance. ')9. There's a slight difference in our ages. . (I don't want to do my dad)8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. . (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on. )7. My life is too complicated right now. . I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing. )6. I've got a boyfriend . . (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). . 5. I don't date men where I work. . (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system
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Joke for Kids
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts. Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it 'Closed for remodeling. ' **Caution - Leave air holes. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
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Funny Famous Joke
This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does. The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks 'do you know what I'm doing now' and she replies 'you're checking for menopause' and he says 'very good'. Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her 'do you know what I'm doing now' and she says 'checking for breast cancer' and he says 'very good'. Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what he's doing now and she replies 'contracting genital herpes cause that's why I came to see you'
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Cat Joke
What is cleverer than a talking cat ? A spelling bee !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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