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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun outdoor games and other funny jokes |
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Statistics and Math Joke
Theorem: 4 = 5Proof:-20 = -2016 - 36 = 25 - 454^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*54^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^24 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/24 = 5
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
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Medicine Joke
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, 'Do you know what I'm doing?' 'Yes, ' she says, 'you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical abnormalities. ' 'That's right, ' says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. 'Do you know what I'm doing now?' he asks. 'Yes, ' says the woman, 'you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer. ' 'That's right, ' replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, 'Do you know what I'm doing now?' 'Yes, ' she says. 'You're getting herpes. '
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Law Enforcement Joke
The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said 'Because I don't believe you are over 21. ' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Christmas Joke - 1
December 25 is National Jews Go to the Movies Day!-Jon Stewart
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Joke for Speeches
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him arepeeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing outthe other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where hisgrotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the manin the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers, 'Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game. 'The leper sits down and adds, 'As you can see, I have leprosy. Ifit disturbs you, I will move. ''It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game. 'A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, 'Thank you for allowingme to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has causedyou to get sick. I will find another place to sit. ''It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game. 'So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until is stomach is completely emptied. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, 'Thank you for allowingme to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has causedyou to get sick. I will find another place to sit. ''Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game. 'So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave. But the man insists, 'Really, it's NOT you. 'So the leper asks, 'Well if it's not me that is making you so sick, that what is it?''It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back. '
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Dumb Men Joke
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?An insurance company.
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Ouch Joke
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet. He says, 'Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it. ' She turns to him with a smirk and says, 'You want ketchup on that?'He Salesman says, 'why do you ask?'She says 'We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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