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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun online games for kids and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 1
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, 'So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?' The pirate replies, 'We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off. ' 'Wow!' said the seaman. 'What about your hook'? 'Well', replied the pirate, 'We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off. ' 'Incredible!' remarked the seaman. 'How did you get the eye patch'? 'A seagull dropping fell into my eye, ' replied the pirate. 'You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?, ' the sailor asked incredulously. 'Well, ' said the pirate, 'it was my first day with my hook'
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Joke for Speeches
A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation. He turns to bartender and says, 'Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . . . ''STOP pal - I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!' interrupted the bartender. A few minutes later the guy tried again, 'People say about the Pope . . . ''NO religion talk, either, ' the bartender cuts in. One more try to break the boredom. . . ' I thought the Yankees would. . . ''NO sports talk. . . That's how fights start in bars!' the barman said. 'Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?''Sure, that we can talk about', replies the barkeep. 'GREAT. . . GO SCREW YOURSELF!'
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American Joke
A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.
Mobster: 'Where'd you hide the money?' (Interpreter signs the question. )
The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, 'He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him. '
Mobster: 'I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!' (Interpreter again signs. )
The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, 'He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it. '
The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. 'Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!'
(Interpreter signs his statement. )
The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, 'It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet. '
The interpreter says, 'He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger. '
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Monster Joke
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can't hear you.
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Police Joke
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, 'Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?' The man gets really indignant and says, 'Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?'
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Parent Joke
What do you call a small parent? A minimum !
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Priceless Joke
Ever hear about the blonde coyote who got a leg stuck in a trap -she chewed off three legs and was still stuck!
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Dinosaur Joke
Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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