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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun nights out in london and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Kids
Praying ParrotsA lady approaches a priest and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but They only say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'''That's terrible!', the priest exclaimed, 'Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship. 'So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, 'Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?'One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, 'PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!'
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Cat Joke
Why did the cat sleep under the car ? Because she wanted to wake up oily !
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Bumper Stickers - 2
BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.
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Cat Joke
How do cats eat spaghetti ? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!
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Funny College Joke
One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was. 'My computer keeps telling me I have mail!'
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Politics Humor
Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. 'Who goes there?' inquired St. Peter. ''It's me, Bill Clinton. ' 'And what do you want?' asked St. Peter. 'Lemme in!' replied Clinton. 'Soooo, ' pondered Peter. 'What bad things did you do on earth?'Clinton thought a bit and answered, 'Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex -- but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations. ' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury. 'After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, 'OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell. ' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity. ' And don't abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over. '
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Military Joke
These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). 'Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. ' 'Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. ' 'A room temperature IQ. ' 'Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. ' 'A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. ' 'A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. ' 'A prime candidate for natural deselection. ' 'Bright as Alaska in December. ' 'One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests. ' 'Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. ' 'Fell out of the family tree. ' 'Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. ' 'Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it. ' 'He's so dense, light bends around him. ' 'If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. ' 'If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. ' 'If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. ' 'If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. ' 'Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. ' 'Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. ' 'Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby. ' 'Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. '
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Naughty Joke
One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage. Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem. Jimmy replied 'Great father, I've saved a whole quart!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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