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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun name badges and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Nothing to lose (on an old rusted out Pontiac)
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Funny Famous Joke
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?'The judge said that was true. 'Does this mean I cannot call a pig, 'Mrs. Johnson'?' the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said. . . 'Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!'
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor, my little brother thinks he's a computer. Well bring him in so I can cure him. I can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.
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Old Age Joke
The doctor tells his patient: 'Well I have good news and bad news. . . '
The patient says, 'Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?'
'You have Alzheimer's disease. '
'Good heavens! What's the good news?'
'You can go home and forget about it!'
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Fun Funny Joke
A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like 'HONDA. ' The man was besides himself. Every few minutes 'HONDA', 'HONDA'. . . . Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out. Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway. Lo and behold, the dentist said, 'Ah, there's the problem!' 'What is it?' the man asked. 'Why you have an abscess, ' said the dentist. 'An abscess? How could that be causing my problem?' asked the man. 'That's easy, ' replied the dentist. 'Why everyone knows. . . Abscess makes the fart go Honda!' (peeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeew. . . hahahahahah)
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Military Joke
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, 'What time is it?' The tower responded, 'Who is calling?' The aircraft replied, 'What difference does it make?' The tower replied, 'It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. '
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Religious Joke
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: 'What are doing here with a dog?' Bernie: 'The dog came here to pray. ' 'Oh, come on. ' says the Rabbi. 'YES!' says Bernie. Rabbi: 'I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; That's not a proper thing to do in temple. ' Bernie: 'Its true!'. . 'Ok', says the Rabbi, 'then show me what the dog can do. ' 'OK' says Bernie nodding to the dog. . . The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. 'Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school????' Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, 'YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!'
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Easter Joke
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food? Hop suey!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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