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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun mover and other funny jokes |
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Joke of the Day
You consider McDonald's 'real food. ' You actually like doing laundry at home. 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends. It starts getting late on the weeknights. Two miles is not too far to walk for a party. You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it. You'd rather clean than study. Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal. Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life. You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps. You know the pizza boy by name. You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark. You live for getting mail. (E-mail included) Prank phone calls become funny again. Wal-Mart is the coolest store. World War III could take place and you'd be clueless. You start thinking and sounding like your roommate. Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth. Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime. You find out milk crates have so many uses. The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).
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Satire Joke
Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine, ' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?' 'No, I'm not, ' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Then can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister. ''Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun questioned sternly. 'Just my sister in New Mexico, ' he volunteered. 'But she's a humble spinster nun. ' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God!''Really?, ' said Mr. Smith. 'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!'
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Romance Joke
What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?Let everyone go first!
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Anthony ! Anthony who ! Anthony you want !
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Funniest Joke
From David Letterman and the Late Show. . . Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn't Give A Damn10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy9. When people whisper, 'Your fly is open, ' he says, 'Yeah, I know'8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he'll say 'pancakes' just for the fun of lying6. He's no longer just fat -- he's now Hugh Rodham fat5. 'Tubby' is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay4. Doesn't even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as 'my lovely wife'2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as 'the house that dirty pardon money built'1. Sits in the back of Al Gore's journalism class screaming, 'Loser!'
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King Kong Joke
What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog? A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.
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Totally Weird Joke
My love for you. . . it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishesNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa. I picked up this card from a slim selectionBut that's all they offer here in witness protection. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one lookYou'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!
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Kids Puns
Sign seen in a small restaurant:Thanks for visiting. If you liked the food, send your friends. Otherwise, send your mother-in-law.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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