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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun motorbike games and other funny jokes |
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Situation Joke
The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a 'man's world' there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said 'May I have one of those ?' The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, 'What. . . one of those bastards ?' Without a pause, she said, 'Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too. '
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Car and train Joke
Monster: I've got to walk 25 miles home. Ghost: Why don't you take a train. Monster: I did once, but my mother made me give it back.
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Christmas Joke - 2
What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? Forty feet of track - all straight!
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Farmer Joke
A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, 'May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!' A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. 'Amazing!' the preacher says. 'Look what God and you have accomplished together!' 'Yes, reverend, ' says the farmer, 'but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!'
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School Joke for Kids
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. 'Why are you eating grass?' he asked one man. 'We don't have any money for food. ' the poor man replied. 'Oh, come along with me then. ''But sir, I have a wife with two children!''Bring them along! And you, come with us too!', he said to the other man. 'But sir, I have a wife with six children!' the second man answered. 'Bring them as well!'They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. 'The lawyer replied, 'No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!'
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Men Joke
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
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Doctor Joke
Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. 'What's wrong?' he asks.
'John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy. '
'WHAT?' he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, 'You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!'
The doctor replies, 'I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina. '
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Medical Joke
A man goes into a doctor's office and says 'Doctor! Doctor! I have fivepenises!'The doctor says, 'Good lord! How do your pants fit?'The man replies, 'Like a glove. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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