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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun mobile casino hire roulette and other funny jokes |
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Best Joke
An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven. But not at all happy with his accommodations, he complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell. When the attorney asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, 'We have all of the judges. '
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Ethnical Joke
A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ('Jump!'). In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: 'Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly. 'So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: 'Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly. 'Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: 'Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly. 'Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: 'Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing'
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Old People Joke
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. 'On a woman,' the doctor said, 'your heart wouldbe just below your left breast. '
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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Simple Joke
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?A: A Space Invader.
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Parent Joke
An irate father stormed into the principal's office. 'I demand to know, ' he screamed, 'why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination. ' 'Now, don't get excited, ' said the principal. 'We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation. ' A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived. 'Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?' demanded the father. 'I had no choice, ' said the schoolmarm. 'He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it. ' 'That's no excuse, ' shouted the father. 'You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!'
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strollin by sees the incident, and rushes over tointerview the boy. 'A brave New Yorker saves friend from vicious animal', he starts writing in his notebook. 'But I'm not from New York' the boy replies. 'I'm visiting from Kentucky!'The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, 'Redneck bastard kills family pet'.
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Face Joke
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
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College Humor
There are 3 people walking down the street: the perfect man, the perfect woman, and Mickey Mouse. They see a $50 bill on the street. Who picks it up?The perfect woman (naturally), because the other two are fictional characters!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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