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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun maths starters and other funny jokes |
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Situation Joke
Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a 'good time. ''Look, ' says the woman, 'what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!''OK, ' replies Joe, 'so how many does it take?'
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Computer Joke
Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level.
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Humor Joke
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
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School Joke
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, 'My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?' A little boy on the front row proudly said, 'You're a mother!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Ben ! Ben who ? Ben knocking on this door all morning !
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Old Age Joke
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Sir, did you call for me?' The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?' She says, 'You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me. ' Smiling she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sat down he farted. Within a few minutes a huge, horrible, corpulent, hairy man lumbers out of the steam toward him. 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer. 'You must be new here,' says the hairy man, 'it is a rule here that if you fart it implies that you called for me. ' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. 'May I help you?' she says. The man yells, 'Here is my membership card, you can have the key back, and you can keep the $500 membership fee. ' 'But sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours, you haven't even had the chance to see all our facilities. ' The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!'
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Bath Joke
Why did the robber take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway.
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Kids Puns
A girl phoned me the other day and said . . . . Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet. I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'do you think we'll ever find them? He said, 'I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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