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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun keyrings and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Clinton ! Clinton who ? Clinton your eye !
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Spelling Joke
Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought 'grammar' was his father's mother. On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. 'The phone connection's bad, ' said the secretary. 'I couldn't catch that last word. Spell it. ' The governor replied, ' 'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion; 'N' like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!'
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Joke Online
1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. 3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it. 4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way. 8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. 9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. 10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision. 11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 12) I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble, when my universal joints gave way, causing me to have an accident. 13) Upon collision and in a flash of blue, I hit my head, twisted my neck, and tossed the lower part of my body out the side window. 14) To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. 15) My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. 16) An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. 17) I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture. 18) I was sure the old fellow would not make it to the other side of the street when I struck him. 19) The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him. 20) I saw the slow moving, sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. 21) I was thrown from my car as it left the road, I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. 22) The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front of my car. 23) The accident occurred with me waving to the man I hit last week. 24) I hit a bus stop sign that was obscured by human beings. 25) The pedestrian was all over the road, I had to swerve a few times before I hit him. 26) A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him as he gored my car. 27) A stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 28) I immediately applied my brakes as the vehicle struck the cement wall, thus bringing my car to a complete halt. 29) I left my car unattended for a minute when by accident it ran away. 31) I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress, then we met on impact. 32) I struck the young man with my husband's car. He wanted to call the police but after having a look at my particulars he decided we should go to his apartment and settle things in private. 33) I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed. 34) I thought my car was in reverse but I found otherwise when it lurched forward, doing injury to a parking meter. When the police arrived the meter had expired. 35) I was contemplating continuous travel of a relaxing nature when, without due justification or color of right, my vehicle was struck in the rear by a vehicle driven by a person of obvious sub-normal intelligence. 36) I was on my way through a green light, with 3 witnesses, on the way to the accident that was about to happen. 37) I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. 38) I was unable to control my car when it went berserk and struck another vehicle. 39) I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers left immediately for a vacation with injuries. 40) My car hit a pothole and came to rest approximately fifteen feet below the surface of the road. 41) My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital. 42) My mind became confused by a sign that read 'Free Puppy for Sale'. The next thing I remember, I was in the ditch. 43) No one was to blame for the accident but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert. 44) The accident happened when a right front door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal. 45) The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle. 46) The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing. 47) The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. 48) The other car attempted to cut in front of me, so I, with my right front fender, removed his left rear tail light. 49) The other driver looked like the usual lane-hopping type with thick horn rimmed glasses, pimply faced, brown suit and thick soled shoes. 50) The other driver struck my car with an Expired Drivers License then left the scene of the accident. 51) There was a heavy fog and I was unable to find the traffic lights. A witness told the police that the other driver had the lights with him when he entered the intersection. 52) When I pressed the windshield spray button my car left the road and struck a fire hydrant. I was unable to see the road because of the spray. My windows are clean. 53) When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
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Silliest Joke
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at 5:00 A. M. The newspapers reported the incident with the headlines, 'The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn'
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Vampire Joke
Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.
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Doctor Joke
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. 'Why do we have to learn this stuff?' the frustrated student blurted out. 'To save lives, ' the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. 'So how does physics save lives?'The professor stared at the student without saying a word. 'Physics saves lives, ' he finally continued, 'because it keeps the idiots out of medical school. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
Will the father be present during the birth? asked the obstetrician. 'Nah, ' replied the mother-to-be, 'He and my husband don't get along. '
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Space Joke
I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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