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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun jewelry and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!Girl: Why thank you!Boy: Of course, if I was on you. . . I would becoming too!
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Totally Strange Humor
Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud. Yes sir, it's fresh ground.
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Christmas Joke - 1
What do you get hanging from Father Christmas' roof? Tired arms!
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Religious Joke
Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. 'Hungry, Seymour?' the Lord asked. 'I could eat, ' said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, 'I could eat. ' Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, 'Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they e at like Kings. I just don't understand. ' 'To be honest, Seymour, ' the Lord said, 'for just two people, does it pay to cook?'
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Kids School Joke
What's a glow worms favorite song?Wake me up before you glow glow!
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Naughty Joke
A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spotoverlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple insidewith the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver'sseat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seatcalmly knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man lookedup, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, 'Yes, Officer?''What are you doing?' the policeman asked. 'What does it look like?' answered the young man. 'I'm readingthis magazine. 'Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer thenasked, 'And what is she doing?'The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, 'I think she'sknitting a sweater. 'Confused, the officer asked, 'How old are you, young man?''I'm nineteen, ' he replied. 'And how old is she?' asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, 'Well, in about twelveminutes she'll be eighteen. '
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American Joke
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church.
'Reverend,' she said, 'I have a problem. . my husband keeps
falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should
I do?'
'I have an idea,' said the minister. 'Take this hatpin with you. I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to
you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the
leg. '
In church the following Sunday, Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. 'And who lay made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?' he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
'Jesus!' Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
'Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones,' said the minister.
Soon, Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed.
'Who is your redeemer?' he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
'God!' Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
'Right again,' said the minister, smiling.
Before long, Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister
did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with
the hatpin again.
The minister asked, 'And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him
his last son?'
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, 'You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!'
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Old age Joke
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. 'How old was your husband?' he asked. 'He was ninety-eight, ' she answered softly. 'Two years oder than I am. ' 'Really?' the undertaker said. 'Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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