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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun indoor games and other funny jokes |
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Irish Joke
In West Kerry, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. You don't love me any more. . . . ' 'Nonsense, darling, ' replied the husband, 'you cook better now. '
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Law Joke
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
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Hair and bald Joke
There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted- unparted or departed
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Doctor Joke
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?Doctor: Sell!
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Worlds Best Joke
A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in '3 more times' without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, 'Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?'The man replies, 'I'm turning over my mother in law. '
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Joke for Holidays
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bringback more than you took.
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Business Joke
Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, butresults to date are not promising.
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. 'Hey, ' says the bartender, 'No dogs allowed in the bar. ' 'Oh please?, ' begs the customer. You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals. ' 'You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar, ' says the bartender. 'No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!' Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded. 'That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though. . . . if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?' 'I don't know, ' confesses the owner, 'I 've only had him for five years. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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