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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun hotels and other funny jokes |
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Joke of the Day
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. 'Are you crazy' yelled the customer, 'sticking your thumb in my steak?!''What' answers the waiter, 'You want it to fall on the floor again?'
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Weather Joke
Why type of lightning likes to play sports? -Ball lightning
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Dumb Joke
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said, 'What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am. 'She said, 'I'm not sure, they're for my Camels, ' at which point he fainted.
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Joke Online
The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, 'I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg. ' 'Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!' The interviewer was sort of disappointed. 'What about the hook at the end of your right arm?' 'I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!' Again the reporter was disappointed. 'Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?' 'One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!' The reporter was amazed. 'That's why you wear a patch?' 'Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!'
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Relationships Joke
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing --------------------------------- It's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off. ' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
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Mouse Joke
What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ? Bubble and squeak !
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Comedy Joke
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Cut your head off!
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Joke of the Day
A doctor dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, 'Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?'The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. 'I'm a doctor' he says, 'I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line. 'The others say, 'You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!'A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. 'Hey, ' he says to the guy in front of him, 'Who does that guy think he is?''Oh, that's God, ' says the guy, 'He likes to play doctor!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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