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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun horse riding games and other funny jokes |
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Satire Joke
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as - 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS). Next Monday, there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so, currently, only, one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not suprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week, my secretary said to me: 'I'm a little nervous. I never put anything in MYASS before. ' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS. There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS. ' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is. I just pulled in out of MYASS. '
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Wednesday, October '21
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Cop Joke
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which lawyer number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you. '
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Law Enforcement Joke
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, 'I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away. '
Just then Jessica said, 'I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed. '
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, 'Sir your license has expired. '
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, 'I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired. '
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, 'Jessica, shut your mouth!' pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. 'Does your husband always talk to you like that?'
Jessica replied, 'only when he's drunk. '
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Dog Joke - 2
Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down?
One good turn deserves another.
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Just for Laughs Joke
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, 'Wow, that's a big one!'
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Chain Smoker Barbie . . . with Surgeon General's warning on box
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Computer Joke
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped ?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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