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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun holdem poker texas and other funny jokes |
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Music Joke
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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Funny School Kids Joke
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?Star Warts!
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Joke Online
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
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At Work Joke
The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on differentlimbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
With my life I could be on all of Oprah's shows.
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Priceless Joke
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Scotsman says, 'Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!'The others agree that sounds like a good place. Then the American says, 'Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink. 'Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Irishman says, 'You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!''Wow!' say the other two. 'That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?''No, ' replies the Irish guy, 'but it happened to me sister!'
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Computers Joke
Less-Known Computer Languages Basic-Fortran-Cobol. . . Theseprogramming languages are wellknown and (more or less) wellloved throughout the computerindustry. There are numerous otherlanguages however that are lesswell known yet still have ardentdevotees. In fact these little-known languages generallyhave the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know moreabout these obscure languages -and why they are obscure - Ipresent the following catalog. SIMPLE . . . SIMPLE is an acronymfor Sheer Idiot's Mono PurposeProgramming LingusiticEnvironment. This language developed at theHanover College for TechnologicalMisfits was designed to make itimpossible to write code witherrors in it. The statements aretherefore confined to BEGIN-END-and STOP. No matter how youarrange the statements you can'tmake a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE donothing useful. Thus they achievethe results of programs writtenin other languages without thetedious frustrating process oftesting and debugging. SLOBOL . . . SLOBOL is best knownfor the speed or lack of it ofits compiler. Although manycompilers allow you to take acoffee break while they compileSLOBOL compilers allow you to takea trip to Bolivia to pick up thecoffee. Forty-three programmersare known to have died of boredomsitting at their terminals whilewaiting for a SLOBOL program tocompile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turnto a related (but infinitely faster) language. . . COCAINE. VALGOL . . . (With special thanks toDan and Betsy 'Moon Unit' Pfau)- From its modest beginnings insouthern California's SanFernando Valley VALGOL is enjoyinga dramatic surge of popularityacross the industry. VALGOL commands include REALLY-LIKE - WELL and YAKNOW. Variablesare assigned with the =LIKE and=TOTALLY operators. Other operatorsinclude the 'CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS'FERSURE and NOWAY. Repetitions ofcode are handled in FOR-SURE loops. Here is a sample VALGOL program. 14 LIKE-YAKNOW (I MEAN) START. %% IF. PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND. 01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND. 9 C =LIKE GRODY**MAX. 4K (FERSURE)**2. 18 THEN. 4I FOR I=LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100. 86 DO WAH + (DITTY**2). 9 BARF(I) =TOTALLY GROSS(OUT). -17 SURE. 1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM. ? REALLY. $$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)VALGOL is characterized by itsunfriendly error messages. Forexample when the user makes asyntax error the interpreterdisplays the message GAG ME WITHA SPOON!LAIDBACK . . . Historically VALGOL isa derivative of LAIDBACK whichwas developed at the (now defunct)Marin County Center for T'ai ChiMellowness and ComputerProgramming as an analternative to themore intense atmosphere in nearbysilicon valley. The center wasideal for programmers who liked tosoak in hot tubs while theyworked. Unfortunately fewprogrammers could survive therefor long since the center outlawedpizza and RC Cola in favor of beancurd and Perrier. Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACKbecause its reputation as agentle and nonthreatening language. For example LAIDBACK responded tosyntax errors with the messageSORRY MAN I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT. SARTRE . . . Named after the lateexistential philosopher. SARTRE isan extremely unstructuredlanguage. Statements in SARTRE haveno purpose they are just there. Thus SARTRE programs are left todefine their own functions. SARTRE programmers tend to beboring and depressed and are nofun at parties. FIFTH . . . FIFTH is a precisionmathematical language in whichthe data types refer to quantity. The data types range from CC-OUNCE-SHOT and JIGGER to FIFTH(hence the name of the language)LITER-MAGNUM and BLOTTO. Commands refer to ingredientssuch as CHABLIS-CHARDONNAY-CABERNET-GIN-VERMOUTH-VODKA-SCOTCHand WHATEVERSAROUND. The many versions of the FIFTHlanguage reflect the sophisticationand financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialectinclude VSOP and LAFITE whilecommands in the GUTTER dialectinclude HOOTCH and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite offrustrated FORTH programmers whoend up using the language. C-. . . This language was namedfor the grade received by itscreater when he submitted itas a class project in agraduate programming class. C- is best described as a'Low Level' programminglanguage. In fact the languagegenerally requires more C-statements than machine-codestatements to execute a giventask. In this respect itis very similar to COBOL. LITHP . . . This otherwiseunremarkable language isdistinguished by the absenceof an 's' in its character set. Programmers and users mustsubstitute'TH'. LITHP is said tobe useful in prothething lithtth. DOGO . . . Developed at theMassachussettes Institute ofObedience Training. DOGO heraldsa new era of computer literatepets. DOGO commands include SITSTAY-HEEL and ROLL OVER. Aninnovative feature of DOGO is'PUPPY GRAPHICS' in which a smallcocker spaniel occasionally leavesa deposit as he travels acrossthe screen.
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Baby Joke
It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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