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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun holdem play poker texas and other funny jokes |
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Cat Joke
What is a cat's favourite car?
The Catillac.
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Children Joke
Mother: Let me see your report son. Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping me !
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Sports Humor
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees abuilding on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding herpet cat in her arms. 'Hey, lady, ' yells Larry, 'Throw me the cat. ''No, ' she cries, 'It's too far. ''I play football, I can catch him. 'The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves toLarry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catchit. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handedcatch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks intocheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles hisknees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
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Food and Drink Joke
How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.
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Village Idiot Joke
This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: 'Don't worry, I am going to save you'. The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause). So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. (ohh, gosh)The elephant shouts 'Don't worry chicken I will save you'. So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However this tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this, the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety. Moral of the story: 'If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pull a chick. '
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Old People Joke
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.
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Miscellaneous Joke
TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. 2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. 3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People. 4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. 6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. 7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better. 8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. 9. Thank You For Pot Smoking. 10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing. 11. If At First You Don't Succeed. . . blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. 12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'. 13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. 14. Horn Broken. . . Watch For Finger. 15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger. 16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass. 17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home19. I Have The Body Of A God. . . Buddha20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway26. Illiterate? Write For Help27. Honk If Anything Falls Off28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong. . . 38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. . . [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph. 41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service! Gals: No Shirt, No Charge!42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?43. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One. 44. Ax Me About Ebonics45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel46. Boldly Going Nowhere47. Cat: The Other White Meat48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That50. Heart Attacks. . . God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets. 54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch55. Saw It. . . Wanted It. . . Had A Fit. . . Got It!56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom. 57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN. 58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets. 59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. 60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. 63. So you're a feminist. . . Isn't that precious. 64. I need someone really bad. . . Are you really bad?65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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Horse Joke
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become . . . a real night mare.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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