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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun for kids in london and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong. . .
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Hunting Joke
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a hunting dog? A golden receiver!
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Kids Puns
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. 'The old man says without hesitation -'I now pronounce you man and wife. '
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Law Enforcement Joke
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said 'Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!' 'Don't worry, Bubba, ' Earl said. 'We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat. ' 'What fer?', asked Bubba. 'Just let me do the talkin
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Mouse Joke
Hickory hickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock The clock struck one But the rest got away with minor injuries
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Satire Joke
DANGER: new viruses discovered!:Congressional Virus v2. 0 : Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. Tipper Gore Virus : When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children. Government Ecomomist Virus : Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order Virus : Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Warren Commission Virus : Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. David Duke Virus : Makes your screen go completely white. Pat Buchanan Virus : Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen. Texas Virus : Makes sure it's bigger than any other file. Adam And Eve Virus : Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Warren Beatty Virus : Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files. Airline Virus : You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Freudian Virus : Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. PBS Virus : Your PC stops what it's doing every few minutes to ask for money. Jimmy Hoffa Virus : Nobody can find it. Kevorkian Virus : Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. Healthcare Virus : Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends a you a bill for $'4
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ! Alda ! Alda who ? Alda time you knew who it was !
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Kids Puns
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. 'I'm as sober as you are, your honor, ' the man claimed. The judge replied, 'Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days. 'Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a poisonous snake? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick? A: A tick drops off you when you die. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside. The reason law schools have been described as 'a place for the accumulation of learning' is that first-year students bring some in, third-year students take none out--and so knowledge accumulates. Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months. Mary reported for jury duty and immediately asked to be excused because she was prejudiced. 'I took one look at those shifty eyes and that sleazy polyester suit and I knew that he was guilty as sin. ' 'Sit down, ' said the judge. 'That is the prosecuting attorney. 'A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: 'Have you ever been arrested?' 'No, ' he answered. The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question 'yes
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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