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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun fathers day gift and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest 'weapon'. Thefirst knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon. . . he pulled down hispants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered. . . thewomen swooned. . . the children waved multi-colored banners. . . and the band played appropriatemusic. Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pantsand tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered. . . thewomen swooned. . . the children waved multi-colored banners. . . and the band playedappropriate music. After several more knights tried to prove their superiority. . . the King finally spoke out. 'I have the mightiest weapon of them all!' He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon dothrose. The crowds cheered. . . the women swooned. . . the children waved multi-colored banners. . . and the band played 'God Save the Queen. '
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Business Joke
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him. A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead. A bird in the hand is dead. A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun. A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: 'When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones. ' Wife: 'No, I can't marry anyone after you. ' Johnson: 'But I want you to. ' Wife: 'But why?' Johnson: 'Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!'
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American Joke
An American, traveling on a train in Europe, met a Cuban tobacco grower, a Russian vodka distiller and a lawyer. While they were talking business, the Cuban took out four cigars and passed them around. After lighting his own cigar, the Cuban took one drag and then threw it out the window, explaining that cigars were of no consequence in his country since there was such an abundance of them. After dinner, the Russian passed out bottles of vodka. After taking just one swig, he threw the bottle out the window, explaining that vodka was of no consequence since, in Russia, it was so plentiful. The American businessman sat in quiet contemplation for several minutes then arose and threw the lawyer out the window.
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Website Joke
Who is the most popular wizard on the Internet? Har e-potter.
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Humor Joke
Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.
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Joke Online
What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer? Frosted flakes.
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Aviation Joke
An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the USAir employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said the man now sitting there, 'Excuse me, are you Gay?'' The man, somewhat stunned, said, 'Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am!'' The flight attendant said, 'I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane. '' At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, 'Excuse me, you've made a mistake--I'm Gay!'' Finally, another m an jumped up and said, 'Well, hell, I'm gay too! They can't throw us all off!''
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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