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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun family days out uk and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. 'Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?' She looked at him and indignantly replied: 'Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning'
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Apple Joke
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
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Joke Online
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. 'What would you like to do next?' he asked. 'I wanna be weighed, ' she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. 'One-twelve, ' said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do. 'I wanna be weighed, ' she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, 'What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?''Wousy, ' said the girl.
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Salesmen Joke
Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage. Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My favorite color is chocolate.
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Elephant Joke
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox ? Take all the matches out first !
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Ghost Joke
What is a ghost boxer called? A phantomweight.
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Religion Joke
Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself. 'Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =believe, man?''Aw, heck no!' replied Rabbi Stern, 'I was just checking. ''Checking? Checking for what?'Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: ='Spectacles. . . Testicles. . . Wallet. . . Watch!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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