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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun fair transport and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?
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Doctor Joke
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
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Doctor Joke
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car,when he spotted the world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The
heart surgeon was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hello Doctor, please come on over here for a minute. '
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic where he stood. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So doctor, look at this here. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?' The doctor smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic
'Try doing it with the engine running!'
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Computer Joke
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
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Bible Joke
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'dtake it and throw it into the river. 'With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river. 'And then finally, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river. ' He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, 'For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:'Shall We Gather at the River. '
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Relationships Joke
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, 'Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?' 'Why Yes, John, that would be nice, ' said Marie. Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, 'Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?' 'Oh, no, John, 'said Marie. 'What would I tell my Sunday School class?' Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. 'Hey, Marie, ' said John, 'Would you like a smoke?' 'Oh, no, John, ' said Marie. 'What would I tell my Sunday School class?' Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. 'Hey, Marie, ' said John, 'how would you like to stop at this motel with me?' 'Sure, John, that would be nice, ' said Marie. Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie. The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed. 'What have I done? What have I done?' thought John. He shook Marie and she woke up. 'Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, said John. 'What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?' Marie said, 'The same thing I always tell them. . . . . . . . . You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.
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Bar Joke - 1
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.
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Burger Joke
What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses? The meatric system, silly!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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