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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun experiments and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, 'Doctor, my penis has been burning lately. 'And the doctor said reassuringly, 'Don't worry son, that just means someone is talking about it. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, 'Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!'The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, 'She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!'
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Redneck Joke
What's the difference between a white owl and a black owl?A white owl goes WHO WHO WHO A black owl goes WHODAT WHODAT WHODAT
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Funniest Joke
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he'd be able to see when he woke up in the morning. The next morning she came into Herbie's room to make sure he'd prayed hard the night before. 'Well then, open your eyes and you'll know that your prayers have been answered. 'Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, 'Mother! Mother! I still can't see!'I know, dear, ' said his mother. 'April Fool!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)
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Kids Puns
You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women!
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Computing Joke
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:mstv. dinn. //08. 5min@@50%heat//Then enter:ms//start. cook_dindin/yummy/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:ms. no. good/tryagainagain/again. crap. This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
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Legal Humor
What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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