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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun engagement gift and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
Q: Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O. J. Simpson such bad golfers. A: Monica is a hooker, O. J. is a slicer and Bill doesn't know what hole to put it in.
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Space Joke
Where do Martians drink beer ? At a mars bar !
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School Joke
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say 'oh geez, better get cracking' and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming 'Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!'
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, 'I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. ' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, 'I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?'
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say 'They've found me, I have to leave the country' and run off.
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Bizarre Joke
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:'A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year. 'The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, 'See! That was more than 5 times a month!'The second bull is to be sold: 'Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year. 'Again the wife bugs her husband, 'Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!'Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison. The third bull is up for sale: 'And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!'The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, 'That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!'The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, 'Sure, once a day!But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Dyslexics Untie!
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Computer Joke
I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system was virtually crash-proof and took up so little space. My new operating system is five times the size of my original hard drive. With every 'upgrade, 'it seems to grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds.
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Religion Joke
How offensive is that?Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle's. 'Paul. . . Paul, ' He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. 'Yes Jesus, how may I serve you' he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying 'No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!' Jesus once again calls his name. 'Paul . . . Paul', he calls. Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and both legs and throws him back into the crowd. Jesus yells out once again , 'Paul, . . . Paul'. Paul , who is now lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and devotion finally weakens and decides to let Paul speak to Jesus. He goes over to Paul, picks him up and brings him to the front of the crowd. Paul, with tears in his eyes looks up to his savior and speaks, 'Yes Jesus, I am here. What is it I can do for you?' Jesus looks over the horizon and then to Paul and states, 'Oh nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I could see your house from here!'
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Political Joke
Republicans say 'Merry Christmas!' Democrats say 'Happy Holidays!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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