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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun cushions and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. 'Mummy, mummy, what are these?' he says, pointing to her breasts. 'Well, son, ' she says, 'these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven. 'Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes offquite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes intothe kitchen. 'Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!'What do you mean? says his mother. Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both herballoons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling'God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!'
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Ouch Joke
'How did it happen?' the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he setthe man's broken leg. 'Well, doc, 25 years ago . . . ''Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning. ''Like I was saying. . . 25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. 'Are you sure?', she asked. 'I'm sure, I said. 'Isn't there anything I can do for you?' she wanted to know. 'I reckon not' I replied . . . 'Excuse me, ' said the doctor, 'What does this story have to do with your leg?''Well, this morning, ' the farmhand explained, 'when it dawned on me whatshe meant, I fell off the roof!'
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Monster Joke
What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.
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Village Idiot Joke
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?'The lady replied, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven!'
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College Humor
Why We Appreciate Men And How Our Bubbles Get Burst When He Ain't Prince Charming!! (and added comments)1. They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. (At least that's what his girlfriend/wife says - depending on which YOU are!)2. They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. (The *names deleted* of the world. . . teehee!!)3. They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not. (Yeh, don'tcha love it when they say you look great. . . just don't get over 200 lbs!!)4. They're beyond enthusiastic about sex. (OK if they are discriminate. . . about who they are having it with!!)5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. (And don't be shocked if it is their wife. . . 'you helped me through a hard time in our marriage and now it's better than ever' OR. . . 'yes, I confess, I DID have a fling (you!!), but let's not let that interfere with 'us'!!)6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek. (Well, at least the newly shaved cheek. . . and just so it isn't back hair!!!)7. Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires. Sometimes a MYTH!! (The sexiest man I ever knew - among others - do not have that particular instinct!)8. Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake. (And, sometimes to our dismay. . . just their unapologetic lust for a hunk!!) That's when our female phrase 'WHAT a WASTE!!!' comes in handy!!9. Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around. (Better than throwing US around. . . )10. The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backwards of their inner Little Leaguer. (That is something I will just leave alone. . . kind of cute on some. . . )11. How tender they get when they cry and how seldom they do it. [When their team loses. . . or when they are at a pick-up bar and she/he turns out to be just waaaaayyyyyyy too young. . . and the ones who are interested are Madam-look-alikes (as in Madam and Waylon!)]12. What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action. (. . . at the slot machines or the Baccarat tables. . . OR hitting on their secretaries!)13. They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys. (Say WHAT!!??!!)14. They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads. (Richard Simmons loves HIS Mom and doesn't remind me one thing of my Dad!! Nor Dave Letterman. . . hmmmmmmm!!??)15. They don't mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur. (I ain't touchin' that one cuz I know people with limos!!)16. Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money - ours as well as theirs. (well, the ins/outs of about anything and OUR money, in particular)17. Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills - jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for. (Some do, some don't. . . either THEY do it or it gets HIRED done. . . I don't even want to LEARN that stuff and don't blame them if THEY don't!!)18. They never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say. (. . . AMEN!!)19. They rarely lie about their age, their weight or their clothing size. (. . . don't get this wrong. . . they DO lie about fishing, money and women!!)20. How awestruck they are in the face of a Wonderbra or a homemade cookie. (. . . all with the same enthusiasm!!)21. How sexy their butts look in jeans. (. . . this person must know David Bowie!)22. How sexy their hands look holding ours. (No contest. . . )23. Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out. (. . . and they are pretty decent about it when we exchange it for something we really like, too!!)24. Their ignorance is usually amusing (Sometimes. . . depends on OUR mood !!) (If we are REALLY, REALLY gone on him. . . he is the smartest man in the world, regardless of how ignorant. . . did I say that??!!)25. They have a great sense of competition (Good if it is at work/earning $$$$. . . bad if it is notches on belts or bedposts!!)26. They can make great sex partners ('CAN' is the operative word here. . . usually have to have some in-house training!)27. They give great hugs, ( and always melt our hearts when a sweet 'I love you Princess' is added) (Princess, Schmitzess. . . all I ask is that I be treated no differently than the Queen!!)28. Though they often try to hide it, they're very tenderhearted and caring. (and they are MASTERS at hiding it. . . oh, to be fair - there ARE moments. . . )29. They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don't want them to (Good when it is hubby/boyfriend. . . BAD when it is David Bowie/Lenny Kravitz) (REALLY bad when it is Bill Clinton. . . )30. They don't care whether colours match but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be (. . . unless it is at the football game. . . then COLOR counts!!)31. They can be taught (. . . and when you get one trained. . . just hang in there as the older they get - the harder to train!!!)32. They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt. (More like the Pamper/Binky stage. . . )
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Christmas Joke - 1
ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
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Weather Joke
What is a hurricane's favorite pet? -Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam. You're too tents.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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