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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun clocks and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: 'God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa. ' The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: 'God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma. ' The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: 'God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy. ' Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, 'Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!'
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Kids Puns
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your Mom. Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's rest room? A: Say, 'Nice dick. 'Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection? A: An itchy, twitchy twat. Q: Are birth control pills deductible? A: Only if they don't work. Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts!Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love? A: Because they have cotton balls. Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm SundayQ: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
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Marriage Joke
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?' The first man approached him and said, 'Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?' The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, 'My wife's first husband. '
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Aviation Joke
According to 'The Australian, ' an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
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Hunting Joke
Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, 'I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack. ' 'But what do I need the gun for?' asked the assisant. 'If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog. '
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Law Enforcement Joke
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads 'low bridge ahead. ' Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas. '
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Situations Humor
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer. 'It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!' said the boy. 'Oh, shit!' said the farmer. 'You've shot the wife!'
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Dog Joke - 2
Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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