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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun cinemas and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
It was July 4th and this guy was roasting a chicken on a rotisserie and had begun to hand-crank it to ensure all areas were evenly done. It was now getting golden brown and juices were causing some flames to lick the chicken as he turned it. Just then, a drunk stumbled into the guy's yard, looked at the scene and exclaimed. . . 'Hey buddy, not only is your music box not making any music, but your monkey's on fire!'
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Politics Humor
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish, ' she asks, 'will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?' Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?''Osama Bin Laden, ' she says. 'Why Osama Bin Laden, ' her father asks in shock. 'Well, ' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore. 'Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. ' 'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him. '
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Funny School Kids Joke
My sister is so ugly she could make yoghurt by staring at milk.
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Election Joke
Bill Clinton has just had a major new policy decision that he thinks is going to 'save' America. He decides to talk it over with Senator Dole.
Dole says, 'Well Bill, the Republicans aren't to sure about this. Why do you go back to the White House and write a 20,000 word essay on your ideas, aims, etc. If you give it to me by 8 A. M. tomorrow, we'll think about it. '
So, Bill goes back and does probably that hardest night's work ever. He really puts his heart and soul into the paper and proudly hands it over to Bob the next morning.
Bill was told to come back the next day when the republicans would pass judgement. The next day, Bill again trudges in and Bob says, 'Well Mr President, we were impressed with the paper, but there were a couple of spelling mistakes. Here's the deal. I'm giving you a pair of dice, and if you role 1 to 11, we won't pass it. '
'But what if I get a 12?' Bill asks. And Bob replies, 'You get to roll again'.
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Blonde Joke - 1
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
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Restaurant Joke
There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!
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Money Joke
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, 'Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?' 'Whada ya win?' 'A million dollars!' said the redneck. 'You get a dollar a year for a million years. ' 'How much are they each?' 'Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!'
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Sport Joke
Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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