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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun christmas activities and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
There were two blonds on their way to Disney World. When they were getting close there was a sign that read, 'DISNEY WORLD LEFT, 'So they turned around and went home.
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School Joke for Kids
There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands. He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book. Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book. . . Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!
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Pig Joke
What would a pig name a chain of food stores? 'Stop 'N Slop Markets'
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Fun Joke
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California With gun in lap: L. A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome . 38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate. Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida 'seasoned citizen' driver, also known as 'no-see-um'
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Kids Puns
One day, little Mikey came home from kindergarten and couldn't find his mother. So he headed upstairs and opened her bedroom door. To his surprise, he saw his dad stripped naked on top of his mom, who was also naked, both heavily into the sexual act. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continued to do what they were doing. After a couple of minutes, Mikey asked, 'Daddy, can I climb on top and have a horsey ride?'The dad thinks for a second, 'Of course son, we're a family. 'After a couple more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. 'Hang on Dad!' cries Mikey, 'This is where me and the mailman usually fall off!'
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Political Joke
1. I be God. Don' be dissin me. 2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib. 3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play dat. 4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee. 5. Don' dis ya mama. . . an if ya know who ya daddy is, don dis him neither. 6. Don' ice ya bros. 7. Stick to ya own woman. 8. Don' be liftin no goods. 9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies. 10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.
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College Humor
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, 'Is God male or female?'After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, 'Well God is both male and female. 'This confuses the little boy, so he asks, 'Is God black or white?''Well, God is both black and white. 'This further confuses the boy so he asks, 'Is God gay or straight?'At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, 'Honey, God is both gay and straight. 'At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, 'Is God Michael Jackson?'
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Funny Kids Joke
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know? But I'm not going to smell it.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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