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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun casino southampton and other funny jokes |
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Car and train Joke
Q) What's worse than raining buckets? A) Hailing taxis!
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Math Joke
One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.
The fire chief says, 'Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test. '
The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, 'OK, you're walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?'
The mathematician replies, 'Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire. '
The chief says, 'That's great. . . perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?'
The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, 'I light the dumpster on fire. '
The chief yells, 'What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?'
The mathematician replies, 'Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already solved. '
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Lawyer Joke
What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.
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Joke of the Day
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: What is the mating call of the blonde? A: 'I'm 'sooo' drunk!' Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) 'I said: I'm drunk!'Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists? A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says on the box: 'good for up to 20 pounds. 'Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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Marriage Joke
A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, 'Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?'
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Funny Kids Joke
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?A frog with hiccups!
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole!
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Pig Joke
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. . .
After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with
them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes up and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around. He concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them into the truck again. He drives them out to the woods,
bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning
home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out the window and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. 'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of
them is honking the horn. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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