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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun casino party and other funny jokes |
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At Work Joke
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burnout, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make thebulbs work smarter, not harder.
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Cat Joke
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. . . They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. . . I must be a God!
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Sporting Joke
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. 'Hey, lady,' yells Larry, 'Throw me the cat. ' 'No,' she cries, 'It's too far. ' 'I play football, I can catch him. ' The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline, bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
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Computer Joke
Dear Wife. . . . I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family. I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB. . . . . whatever that means. So, I decided to send you this email. John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound? Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off. Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them. Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper. Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we bought you a laptop to bring along? Do you remember him? He's the one who empties your porta potty for you. Lets see. . . . . since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator had to be replaced, your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the color), the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes. . . . . I have a new job. Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself honey. We all 'miss' you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off! Love, Your Husband
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School Joke
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. 'Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?' enquired the teacher with a sneer. 'Well, actually I don't, ' said the student, 'but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. '
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School Joke
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, 'Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do. '
The mother exclaimed, 'But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this . . . by the way, what was it that you didn't do?'
The little girl replied, 'My homework. '
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Silliest Joke
Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea, 'My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!'Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. 'Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you , um , had sex yet?'. Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds. 'Um, not according to dad. '!
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Pensioner Joke
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said 'yes'.
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! 'Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny. . . '
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
'Oh', she said, 'I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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