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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun casino manchester and other funny jokes |
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Animal World
Two neighbors had been fighting each other fornigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane andteaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use thebathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and ahalf of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; beingignored all the while, a semi pulls up in frontof Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant, ' Bill replies solemly.
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Various animal Joke
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing. '
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Internet Joke
What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma.
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Priceless Joke
A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head where driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them. They rush off and crash into the side of a barn, they immediately jump out of the car and hide under potatoe sacks. The cop runs in after them, and the first potatoe sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, 'MEEEEOOOOOOW', and the cop says, 'Oh! It's just a stupid cat. ' He then moves to the potatoe sack the red-head is under and kicks it. The red-head replies, 'ROOF, ROOF', the cop, angry now, says, 'STUPID DOG!!' Then the cop gets to the potatoe sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde creams, 'POOOOOOTArchive of fun casino manchester and other funny jokesAAATOOOOOOOE!'
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Various animal Joke
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !
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Silliest Joke
Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt. 'Good work!' says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher's outstretched hand. After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, 'What was that all about?' The barkeep says, 'Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints came onto my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol' Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no fear -- and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a bounty -- a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt. ' Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves. After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt. Suddenly, Bill says, 'Hey, Mike, look. ' 'Not now, ' says Mike, 'I'm busy. ' Bill tugs on Mike's sleeve and says, 'Mike, I think you *really* ought to see this. ' 'Not now!' Mike says again. 'Can't you see I've got a hundred dollars in my hands?' Bill's voice starts to waver. 'Mike, please, just look!' Mike stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves -- at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops. Mike takes in the sight and gasps: 'Oh, my God. . . We're gonna be rich!'
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Accountant Joke
How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?
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Joke Online
THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISHWe need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure. . . go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're . . . so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've started my period This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. . . . . Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T. V. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead. ] Yes = No No = No Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?THE ANSWER TO 'WHAT'S WRONG?' ***************************** The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = PMS again. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain. I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steamTHE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH: ---------------------------------------------------------- 'I'm hungry' = I'm hungry 'I'm sleepy' = I'm sleepy 'I'm tired' = I'm tired 'What's wrong?' = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this 'What's wrong?' = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 'Yes, I like the way you cut your hair' = I liked it better before 'Yes, I like the way you cut your hair' = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! 'Let's talk' = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person. 'I like that one better' (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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