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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun car seat covers and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken. She replies, 'Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken. '
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Old age Joke
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: 'Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?' 'Yes, I know, ' said the lady, 'I need both hands to hold onto this hat. '
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Ghost Joke
One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks 'yeah, what do you want?'. The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice 'I've lost my tail. . . . . . and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on'. At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog. . . . . 'Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night'.
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Blonde Joke - 2
This blonde is so stupid, she called me to get my telephone number!
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Joke of the Day
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
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Spiked Humor
You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, 'Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!' Your kid makes a fortune trading in 'Elmo futures. ' Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary '4th wise man' in new nativity scenes. The impossible-to-get 'Tickle Me Jesus' Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500. Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet. WWF presents 'Oh, Holy Night' Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy! Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder. Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks. Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler. Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, 'On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy. ' $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's. The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM) Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase 'Ho, Ho, Ho' -- an injunction limits Santa to 'a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables. ' Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.
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Politics Humor
Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend;We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raisingof $'5
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Funny College Joke
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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