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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun car racing games and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ. '' The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ. '' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ. '' The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it. '' and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''
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Humor Joke
A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, 'Didn't you tell me you were a banker?' The young man answered, 'Yes, I did. ' To this the tailor said, 'Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?'
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Joke Online
I'M GLAD I'M A MANI'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers, And when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear. I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early, And when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too. I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball. It's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work. I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see. I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days. I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
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Snake Joke
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
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Children Joke
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. 'Look what I spelled, Mom!' with a proud smile on his face. 'That's wonderful!' his mom praised him. 'Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight. ' The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: 'Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?'
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of dog is the most colorful?
A paint Bernard!
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Short Stupid Joke
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, 'I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!' Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, 'I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!' Once again, silence ensued for 365 days. The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, 'I am fed up with this constant bickering!'
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Animal World
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said 'I wish you could talk. ' The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. 'You can understand what I'm saying?' asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. 'Well, did you see this?''Yes, ' motioned the monkey. 'What happened?'The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. 'They were drinking?' asked the officer. 'Yes. ''What else?'The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. 'They were smoking marijuana?''Yes. ''What else?'The monkey motioned 'Screwing. ''They were screwing, too?' asked the astounded officer. 'Yes. ' 'Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked. ''Yes. ''What were you doing during all this?''Driving' motioned the monkey.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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