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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun bus manchester and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies, and her mother told her 'no. ' The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, 'Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long. '
He passed the mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, 'There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out. '
The man happened to be behind the pair in the checkout line, where the little girl began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering her mother would not buy any gum. 'Ellen, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap,' the mother said.
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. 'I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen,' he said.
The mother replied, 'My little girl's name is Tammy. I'm Ellen. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out 'This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!'. Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, 'I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!' The blonde responds back 'That's a bet you have there!'. So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said 'I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin
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Aviation Joke
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 'You can't get out of your room?' the captain asked, 'Why not?' The stewardess replied, 'There are only three doors in here, 'she cried, ' one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!'
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Priceless Joke
The BarberA priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D. C. After he gothis haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, 'Nocharge. I consider it a service to the Lord. 'The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayerbooks and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. Hethen asked how much it was. The barber said, 'No charge. I considerit a service to the community. 'The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts anda thank you note from the police officer. Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he askedhow much it was. The barber said, 'No charge. I consider it aservice to the country. 'The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senatorsin front of the door.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
'How can I ever thank you?' gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. 'My dear woman, ' Darrow replied, 'ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. 'What's wrong with you?' she asked him. 'Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?' he replied. 'And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison. 'Baffled, she said, 'yes, I remember. So?''Well. . . I would have gotten out today!'
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Naughty Joke
How long does it take for a woman to orgasm? Who cares?
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Cow Joke
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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