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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun brain teasers and other funny jokes |
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Strange Humor
This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry'. 'Hans Olaffsen?', he thinks. 'How in the world does that fit in here?'. So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. . The visitor asks, 'How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'. The old man answers 'Is name of owner. ' The visitor asks 'Well, who in the heck is the owner?'. 'I am he', answers the old man. 'You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?'The old man replies, 'Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go 'What your name? He say Hans Olaffsen. She look at me. . . What your name? I say Sam Ting. '(Sam Ting= 'same thing')
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Anatole ! Anatole who ? Anatole me you're a pain in the neck !
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Spelling Joke
How do you spell a hated opponent with three letters? NME (enemy).
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School Joke for Kids
A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram. 'Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, ' said the skinny man. 'Okay, see that giant redwood over there?' said the lumberjack. 'Take your axe and go cut it down!'The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. 'I cut the tree down, ' said the little man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, 'Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?''In the Sahara Forest, ' replied the puny man. 'You mean the Sahara Desert, ' said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back. . . 'Oh sure, that's what they call it now!
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Computer Joke
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: 'Tomorrow I will destroy the earth. ' Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: 'I have two really bad news items for you: 1) God really exists and 2) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth. ' Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: 'I have good news and bad news: 1) The GOOD news is that God really does exist 2) The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth. ' Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: 'I have two fantastic announcements: 1) I am one of the three most important people on earth 2) The Year 2000 problem is solved. '
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Funny Kids Joke
What sort of a ship does Count Dracula sail in?
A blood vessel.
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Kids Joke
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, 'Good morning son. ' 'Good morning pastor' replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. 'Sir, what is this?' Johnny asked. 'Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service', replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, 'Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?'
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Cannibal Joke
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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