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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun baby clothes and other funny jokes |
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Business Joke
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, 'I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours. ' The banker said, 'Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him. '
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Ethnic Humor
An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, 'Operator, giff me beck the party!'She says, 'I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again. 'He says, 'What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party. 'She says, 'I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again. 'He says, 'Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!' And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, 'We came to take your telephone out. 'He says, 'Vy?'They say, 'Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here. 'He says, 'Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?' He goes to the telephone and dials. 'Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?'She says, 'Yes?'He says, 'Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!'
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Easter Joke
What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan? It took ears off his life!
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Joke for Halloween
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees 'Welcome to www. Heaven. com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue. ' He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: 'Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here. ' So he does. Up pops a screen which reads, 'Please enter at least two of the following, and your pasword and ID will be e-mailed to you. ' The fields include 'Name, ' 'Date of birth, ' 'Date of death, ' and 'Favorite Food. 'The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks 'Submit. 'Up pops another screen which reads, 'We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?' So the man clicks the button marked 'Yes. 'A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then he clicks the 'Submit' button. Now he is faced with a screen reading, 'We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again later. ' There is a button marked 'Back. ' He clicks it. A new page appears. It reads, 'Welcome to www. Purgatory. com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue. . . '
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Dead and dying Joke
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: 'No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!'
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Farmer Joke
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes a nd say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, 'The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was. ' The men would then ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year. ''
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Fishing Joke
What's the difference between an angler and a dunce? One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
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Criminal Joke
Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom. Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. 'Where have you been?' demanded the worried look out. 'The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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