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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun and frolics fancy dress and other funny jokes |
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American Joke
Why do Amerikan wars always come in twos?
Answer: The first one creates terrorists and the second one does too.
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Horse Joke
Two show stallions are arguing over who should take best of breed. The first says, 'I'll grant you are the closest I have ever seen to my equal, but my legs are just a bit straighter than yours, and, you know, the legs are of prime importance: no foot, no horse!' The second horse says, 'I'll allow your legs are just a bit better than mine, but mine are the legs I was born with and I know for a fact you had thousands of dollars of corrective work. Your foals will inherit your natural legs, not your genius farrier!' The first horse mulls this for a moment, then says, 'You're right. I stand corrected. . . '
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Sport Joke
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!
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Business Joke
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
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Bar Joke - 2
What are the only two kinds of men?Studs and duds.
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Sporting Joke
On the seventh day, God said, 'Let there be football. ' And it was good. Later on that day, God said, 'Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence. ' With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed on the helmet of silver and blue. God said, 'Let it be called the Dallas Cowboys' Later that day, God said, 'Even Cowboys need jerks. ' So he made their fans.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck. . . How to live in a world that's politically correct?His workers no longer would answer to 'Elves', 'Vertically Challenged' they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clearThat Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?The runners had been removed from his sleigh;The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A. And people had started to call for the copsWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called 'Unenlightened. 'And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his noseAnd had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notionThat making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets. . . they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those psychologicalWho claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football. . . someone could get hurt;Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;He just could not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he mightGive to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion;Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere. . . even you. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth. . . 'May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth. 'This document is copyright (c) Harvey Ehrlich 1992.
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Spoof Joke
After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company. Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, 'We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money. 'The agent replies, 'Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. 'Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, 'I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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