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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fun adventure day and other funny jokes |
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Marriage Joke
A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. 'Congratulations, ' said the nurse, 'but don't you think this is enough?' The woman replied, 'Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year. '
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Relationships Joke
Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. 'What's the problem?''I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract, ' snapped the oil man. 'I don't know if that will fly, ' said the lawyer. 'I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!''Damn right, ' the tycoon rejoined, 'but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box 'good for up to 20 pounds. '
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Computer Joke
10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.
9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.
8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad.
7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator.
6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads.
5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel.
4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of 'his 'n' her' system unit keys.
3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer.
2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap.
1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, 'What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?
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Mother Joke
After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and La Leche classes with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by her bedside throughout the labor delivery and wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife's hand afterward and said emotionally. 'Tell, me how it was, darling, how it actually felt to give birth. '
'OK, honey,' his wife replied. 'Smile as hard as you can. '
Beaming down at his wife and smile, the man followed her instsuctions. 'That's not hard. '
She continued, 'Now stick a finger in each corner of you mouth. ' He obeyed, smiling broadly. 'Now stretch your lips as far as they'll go,' she went on.
'Still not to tough. ' he remarked.
'Right. ' she snapped. 'Now pull them over your head. '
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Fun Funny Joke
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. 'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm', she said. Then he asked 'Why is my sister named Cornflower'?'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her', she replied. He then asked 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild'?'We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived', the mother replies. The mother paused and said to her son. . . 'Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious'
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Funny Famous Joke
Do you know what a dog and a screen door have in common?the more you bang them the looser they get. Sent by aaron
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Situations Humor
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly. The passerby asks, 'Who's in your upstairs room?'The elderly man replies, 'I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs. 'The passerby hands him the used condom and says, 'Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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