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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fool jokes and other funny jokes |
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Military Joke
The General went out to find that none of his G. I. s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. 'Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G. I. go. Moments later, eight more G. I. s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. 'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G. I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. 'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but. . . ' 'Let me guess, ' the General interrupted, 'it broke down. ' 'No, ' said the G. I. , 'there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them. '
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Family Comedy Joke
Old & New concerns for the baby boomers:Then: Long hair. Now: Longing for hair. Then: KegNow: EKG. Then: Acid rockNow: Acid reflux. Then: Moving to California because it's cool. Now: Moving to California because it's hot. Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids. Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Then: Seeds and stems. Now: Roughage. Then: Popping pills, smoking joints. Now: Popping joints. Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel. Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity. Then: Paar. Now: AARP. Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine. Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine. Then: Killer weed. Now: Weed killer. Then: Hoping for a BMW. Now: Hoping for a BM. Then: The Grateful Dead. Now: Dr. Kevorkian. Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip joint.
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Ethnic Joke - 1
English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are cruising at flight level three five zero, feel free to move about the cabin, also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight, we'll be arriving atour destination in 20 minutes, and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of your flight. Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five -o, if you be flexin get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be killin the man's opression if you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose blood, them bitches be cruizin on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop trippin and sit your ass back down, we be in the hood in no time afterall, i be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!
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Judge Joke
A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. ' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him. ' At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, 'If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!'
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Children Joke
A small boy was lost, so he went up to apoliceman and said, 'I've lost my dad!'The cop said, 'What's he like?'The little boy replied, 'Beer and women!'
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Horse Joke
What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t. v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie.
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Joke for Halloween
'Before I married my wife, ' a husband once said, 'it was nothing but wine, women, and song. Now that I'm her husband, it's beer, mama, and TV. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie me home, I'm tired !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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