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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fone fun shop and other funny jokes |
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Witch Joke
What's the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Question: What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Answer: Two Mennonite!
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
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Food and Drink Joke
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, 'Ketchup!'
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Naughty Joke
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, 'It's dark in here, isn't it?''Yes it is, ' the man replies. 'You wanna buy a baseball?' the little boy asks. 'No thanks, ' the man replies. 'I think you do want to buy a baseball, ' the little extortionist continues. 'OK. How much?' the man replies after considering the position he was in. 'Twenty-five dollars, ' the little boy replies. 'TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!' the man repeats. 'That's awful expensive', but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. 'It's dark in here, isn't it?' the boy starts off. 'Yes it is, ' replies the man. 'Wanna buy a baseball glove?' the little boy asks. 'OK. How much?' the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage. 'Fifty dollars, ' the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says, 'Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch. ''I can't. I sold them, ' replies the little boy. 'How much did you get for them?' asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. 'Seventy-five dollars, ' the little boy says. 'SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness, 'the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says 'It's dark in here, isn't it?''Don't you start that crap in here, ' the priest says.
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Worlds Best Joke
A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman. 'May I speak to the pharmacist?' he asks. 'Well, ' she replies, 'I am the pharmacist. 'He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a 'male problem. 'She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment. He blushes and says, 'Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you. . . I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?'The woman looks thoughtful, and says, 'Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my sister. 'After a couple of minutes she returns and says, 'We'll give you half of the business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it. . . '
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Food and Drink Joke
Do you want to know if you suffer from 'Alertness Deficit Disorder' (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans every year. If that doesn't scare you, let's just say that you are more susceptible than anyone else. YES, YOU! If you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL. The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on. 1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems? 2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier? 3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee? 4. Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep? 5. a) Have you ever drunk cold coffee?b) Right out of the pot? 6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products? 7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein? 8. Has anyone ever told you that you 'have a problem'? 9. Do you need coffee:a) . . . to get up in the morning?b) . . . to get out of bed?c) . . . to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?10. Do you own a 'Coffee Helmet'? (For the culturally ignorant, a coffee- helmet is a hat with coffee-cups attached to it and a straw coming out of each cup leading to the mouth, used for hands-free drinking. )11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you 'Ona mac towanda' (Smells-like- coffee)?12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?13. Have you ever sold personal or other people's possessions just to get your fix for the day?14. Does the phrase 'swiss water decaffienated' strike terror into your heart?15. a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?b) . . . in more than five?c) . . . in your bathroom?16. a) Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?b) . . . because you're wearing out their hole-punch?c) . . . and it's bad for the environment?17. Do you grind your own coffee?18. Do you grow your own coffee?19. Have you ever been fired from a job because you're 'drinking their profits'?20. a) Do you know Juan Valdez?b) . . . and his donkey?c) . . . intimately?21. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?22. a) Is sleep a hobby of yours?b) . . . that you don't like?c) . . . because it's too frustrating?
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Answer me this Joke
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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