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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of florida fun pass and other funny jokes |
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Pig Joke
What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat? A crashing bore.
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Gorilla Joke
Which author do the Gorillas love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'
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Law Enforcement Joke
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: 'License, registration and proof of insurance please. '
Driver: 'Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for. '
Policeman: 'Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there. '
Driver: 'Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference?'
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: 'Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop?
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Naughty Joke
A guy goes to his doctor and says, 'Doc, I have a problem. ''My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. ''I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all. 'The doctor says, 'You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out. 'The man says, 'You have a deal Doc. 'Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, 'What happened'?The man answered, 'Nobody showed up!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??
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Naughty Joke
This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, 'Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas. ''Sure, ' he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, 'Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?'The guy says, 'No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into. '
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Priceless Joke
Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed. So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says 'I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring. . . it was so wonderful. 'James said 'Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day. 'Ron was so jealous 'Your day was so much better than mine. . . did you get a blow job?''Nope' James replied, 'I couldn't find her head!'
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Worlds Best Joke
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund. I want a husband who is decent, God-fearing, well-educated, smart, sincere, respectful, treats me as an equal, has a great body, and has the same interests in life as me. Now I don't think that's too much to ask of a billionaire, do you?I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. John, you know I can't marry you. You are an accountant. I prefer a man who builds things, who makes things, like an engineer who. . . makes half-a-million dollars a year. . . Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. Life's a bitch, and then you marry one. Life sucks. . . and then you marry someone who doesn't!Look the bride in the eye and ask, 'If I'm the best man, how come you're marrying HIM???'Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Love is a thousand miles long, but comes in six inch installments. Love is a word composed of two vowels, two consonants, and two fools. Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love. Love may conquer everything, but it needs Time as its Field General. Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. Make love, not war, or do both: get married. Man and wife make one fool. Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marital Logic: 1) Marriage is an institution. 2) Marriage is love. 3) Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May the bluebird of happiness crap all over your wedding cake. May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. May you live as long as long as you want to, and may you want to as long as you live!May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife. May you never leave your marriage alive. May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife away, your nose always. May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears. May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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