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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fisher price laugh and learn chair and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
Rules for Buying Gifts for MenRule #1:When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2:If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the wordratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. 'Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?' 'OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?' Again, no one knows why. Rule #3:If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4:Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5:You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6:Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. Rule #7:Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8:Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. 'Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. ' You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9:Never buy a man anything that says 'some assembly required' on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10:Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. 'From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks. 'Rule #11Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. 'Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?'Rule #12:Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to 'A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts. ' Everyone knows why. Rule #13:Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #14:It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15:Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8' manilla rope. No one knows why.
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Funniest Joke
How do you stop a 3 black men from raping a white woman? Throw them a basketball!What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit!What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills? A Humanitarian.
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American Joke
Bholaji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray. . . . . . . . . . . 'Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto(lottery)'.
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Bholaji goes back to the temple. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well'. Lotto night comes and Bholaji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. . I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???'.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the
voice of God
'Bholaji, buy a damn lottery ticket first'.
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Love and Marriage Joke
We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
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Relationships Joke
'Daddy?' the kid asked his father. 'Where did I come from?''Ask your mother, ' he replied. 'I did, ' the kid said. 'But I don't think she was telling the truth. She said I came from a bucket. ''Hmmmm, ' chuckled his dad. 'That's about the size of it?'
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Dirty Joke
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. 'Please describe, ' said his attorney, 'the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's fidelity. ' 'Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week, ' the man testified. 'So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife. ' 'One Sunday morning, ' he continued, 'we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'
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Blonde Joke - 2
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? Branch manager.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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